Blogs l Arête Purpose l Franklin, Indiana

ChronicTalk: The Performance of Being OK

Written by Maria Gray-Gerhart, PhD l Arête Purpose | Apr 16, 2026 11:27:38 PM

I have often said that one of my greatest strengths is my ability to impersonate a well person.

We learn to do this by masking — hiding our real feelings, thoughts, exhaustion, and fear — tucking our hardest battles behind closed doors.

Why do we do this?

  • fear of rejection or judgment
  • loss of identity
  • to protect others
  • to prove our strength
  • to stay out of the spotlight
  • denial
  • because sometimes… we were taught to

And so we perform.

 

We mask at work.

With friends.

And often, even at home.

 

We mask to protect ourselves.

But ironically, this is the very thing that endangers our security the most.

 

If we aren’t real about our feelings—even with ourselves—we cannot heal.

We cannot rest.

 

Our negative emotions are fully valid.

But we are taught from a young age to keep them in the dark—hidden away.

 

This is a lie.

You cannot heal when you refuse to feel.

What we bury doesn’t disappear. It waits.

 

Until you allow yourself to feel it, accept it, and release it—

it will keep asking to be seen.

 

I have smiled through conversations where my body was screaming.

I have said “I’m fine” when I meant “I’m barely holding this together.”

 

Once we stop hiding,

and instead stand in the quiet knowing that we are already okay as we are—

we begin to trust that we will be okay,

as long as we are willing

to spend time in the light

and tell the truth

to those who are willing to witness it

with love.